TO: All Employees DATE: 4th November RE: Christmas Party.
I%26#039;m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We%26#039;ll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free
to sing along. And don%26#039;t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of
gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift
should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone%26#039;s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party. Merry Christmas to you and your Family. Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party.
In no way was yesterday%26#039;s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
from now on we%26#039;re calling it our %26#039; Holiday Party%26#039;.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be
no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family, Pauline.
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 6th November RE: Holiday Party.
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn%26#039;t sign your name. I%26#039;m happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, %26quot;AA Only%26quot;, you wouldn%26#039;t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I
supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00
is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 7th November RE: Holiday Party.
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees%26#039; beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I%26#039;ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men%26#039;s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used inthe food.
we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply %26quot;No Sugar%26quot; desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F****** Employees DATE: 8 November RE: The *******Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I%26#039;ve had it with you people !!! We%26#039;re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the %26quot;grill of death%26quot;, as you so quaintly put it, you%26#039;ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I%26#039;ve heard them scream. I%26#039;m hearing the scream right NOW!! Hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director DATE: 9th November RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party.
I%26#039;m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I%26#039;ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Christmas night out.....its REALLY long sorry !?
Flowers
Date 9th Nov
RE: BETRAYAL %26amp; Holiday Party
Bishop you are dead meat, I have been away less than 24hrs and you are trying to fill my slingbacks
As for them feckin%26#039; feckers who feckin%26#039; fecked me over big time, well wait till I%26#039;m back they Hairy Mairy yoghurt munching feckwits are going to rue the day they clamped eyes on my e-mail and decided to feck with me.
A Holy War I%26#039;ll give them a feckin%26#039; war, there%26#039;ll be more body bags in work than you can stow in a support helicopter heading to New Orleans as part of the Hurricane Relief project.
I%26#039;ll cause more damage than a Scud missile in down town Tel Aviv
by the way thanks for the card, and a meery feckin%26#039; Christmas and a feckin%26#039; happy new year, ya shower o%26#039; shite ye
Lots of Love Pauline
Reply:This just surmises the rainbow cultures which now exist in the UK and how employers are trying by all means to please everyone but with little success.
It%26#039;s more like a true story such that I really feel for Pauline Lewis and how she grappled with every wish only to see herself fall victim to the pressure.
It is long but well worthy it, I love it! Keep them rolling!
Reply:it was long but perfect
Reply:yawn it was long wasn`t it...sorry....i bet it took a life time to type
Reply:I actually read the whole thing and was glad i did. i liked that, it was very funny. thanks for that.
Reply:very funny, but how long did it take you to type this one up
Reply:very good and more and more topical - in this dont offend anyone, pc world we live in
Reply:Sounds like me trying to plan our company %26quot;Holiday%26quot; Party!! :)
Thanks for the laugh!!
Reply:Hahaha. What%26#039;s the point to make a christmas party in the first place then?
Reply:boring.
Reply:thats funny!!!
Reply:long but so worth it, that was so funny my stomach hurts from laughing too much, thanks for making my day xXx
Reply:it%26#039;s long. but funny as hell. thanks for the laugh.
Reply:After planning my company%26#039;s Holiday Party last year, I totally understand. Thanks for the laugh. Happy Holidays!
Reply:You should be sorry, I need a shave now i%26#039;ve read all that!!! lol lol
Reply:lol....just goes to show ya...ya cant please everybody! lolloan
No comments:
Post a Comment